Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My Lost Sire(ang nawawala kong ama)
I got hurt, insecured and I cried so hard if I remember him. I am losing hope when I remember the past, my father's responsibility to me as his son.
When I see a father, a mother and a child walking in the pavement blissfully, I pity myself because ever since in my life I did not experienced that I have a father. I just weep in my room and dreaming that someday, our roads will meet together because i am also longing for his care and comfort. I am always asking God so that he will give me a chance to know him but that prayer has no answer yet. Last time, I asked my mother if where and who is my father but she is always refusing to answer it and remains angry with me all the time I question her about him. I am puzzled why she confute to give me response and I cannot find any reason why she is always acting like that. I started to dislike my mother's attitude, I was intimidated. When my aunt had just arrived home, I asked the query if where is my father and she reasoned out that he is dead. I did not believe from what she said. I know and i can feel that he is still alive. From that time, I did not asked any question from them about my father anymore because I know that they will just refuse to answer me. When I graduated in high school, my aunt was the only one beside me going up the stage. I looked at my classmates and I saw that they are complete, a mother and a father. I again started crying and sighing wishing that my sire is with me getting up the stage and my diploma. I felt with mixed emotions that time, happy but sad. Lately, there was a friend of mine asking where is my father, i sighed. I said that he has another family across the country. I was sorry for what I said hoping that it will not come to reality. I spent my Christmas, new year and father's day with an incomplete parents but I remained firm because i have a family who is supporting me all the time. My life is like a bamboo that has hole inside and the only way to fill that hole is to find my lost sire. But that bamboo is standing still even trials and struggles come its way. I wish I could have a superlative power so that I can easily find that someone special in my life. I want to experience how a father love his son and give his son all the best to achieve his goals in life and from that time that I would be complete.
If the Lord will give me the opportunity to know my father, I will not dismayed in him but to accept him with all my heart. Even though I don't know where is my lost sire is, I am always praying that someday, God will make a way for us.