I know how to accommodate things in order but there is a sudden grief that nobody can solve it. I've tried it sometimes but it's hard to let the pain release that the only option is to let him free. I used to cry and i think the world is beneath my shoulder and I tell to myself that I'll never give up even he made me live in misery. Whats wrong with me? Don't I really deserves to be happy? or it's just my illusion?
Actually, I'm happy to my state of living but love drives me crazy.Is it tough to assert what I'm feeling?. Yes it's true. Okay I''l narrate. This days, I've felt something special for him. I admit that I'm not perfect to say that he has feelings for me too but I have weakness that could be able to loose my turn and rejected. I effort a lot so that my love for him becomes meaningful and I guess it will be done in a nice tract. This love seems a sacrifice for me in a case that I rather divide myself into two for a reason not to escape but to give time for him. I'll go with the music, am I martyr?. Sometimes, reality bites. I pity myself for sure if in case he will leave me and be never come back for a reason to find his love and destiny.I do really abhor myself, worthless and useless. How can I solve the puzzle of my heart if there are some spaces left?
Now, it is clear for me the definition of love. Love is unexpected that's what I've felt. In fact I'd learned how to love him despite all the struggles around us. I just bear in my mind that they are not my lost. Do what they want, blowing in the wind is such their job.